Let's Get Emotional | Labor & Birth | Northwest PA Doulas

I remember sitting in the car, awkwardly, with the seatbelt rubbing the lower portion of my huge belly, right as another random contraction started to build.

It was 3am and my water had broken around 10pm. I had a random contraction here and there but my main focus in the moment was the glow of those golden double arches, where I could surely get some chicken nuggets. Hiding frazzled emotions with some McDonalds probably isn't my recommendation for my clients but for me, it was heaven. 

We drove another 40 minutes to arrive at the hospital. It was bitter cold; winter in Erie. As I got out of the car, the frigid air hit me just as harshly and quickly as my thoughts did.

Walking through those doors meant I would walk out with my baby.  

That really hit home.  

I realized that to do this thing, I'd probably need to get a little emotional. A difficult task for the hustle and bustle of today's world. I'd assumed the labor positions we learned during Childbirth Education classes were all I really needed to pay attention to. My husband could remind me of that position that looks like I'm a dog peeing on a fire hydrant and I'd be set. Labor would surely "hurt" but I was sure I could get through it with knowing those physical tricks. My experience was certainly different and for that, I am glad. 

Getting deep takes work

As much as we focus so much on the physical and biological parts of labor, emotion and the mental work of labor tends to fall wayside. Many professionals agree that emotions are sometimes forgotten when medical situations are the main focus. Doctors and nurses are frequently excited to see our doulas in the birth room because it means the pressure of supporting you emotionally is slightly taken off of them. This leaves them free to focus on you and your baby's medical well being. Their compassion is evident but their job duties are extremely demanding. 

For some, showing emotion during labor comes naturally. Some parents are used to being open and honest with everyone. The majority of birthing parents, however, do not. Things like increased use of social media, less time to relax and demanding careers all contribute to difficulty to connect with people and more importantly, to connect with yourself. Articles trend daily about self care and the latest way to get 5 minutes to yourself, especially if you're already a parent. 

Emotions during labor 

Doulas are experts at helping parents dive deep. Deeper bonds with your partner, deeper connections with your care providers, deeper understanding of the birth & postpartum process. Usually labor emotions happen something like this: 

Um, thats quite a few emotions to be cycling through over the course of mere hours. Lets address each individually: 

Excitement

This is when you realize that this could be it. You're at home or work or the grocery store and you're realizing this isn't Braxton Hicks anymore. Your water may have broken or you may have noticed pink tinged mucus when you went to the bathroom and wiped. You call your partner and the excitement builds. Something is happening! Finally!! 

Anxiety

Oh shit- something is happening!!! Where are the bags? Who is going to watch the older kiddos? How long will it take us to get to the hospital at this time of day? Will my baby be healthy and safe? Will I be healthy and safe? Swirling feelings of anxiety sometimes come while you're still at home or once you arrive to the hospital. Its normal to feel this way. The unknowns of labor can be daunting to think about. 

Seriousness

This usually happens around the end of the active labor stage, into the transition stage. When moms get serious, babies are closer than ever to being born. You may want everyone to stop talking. Contractions take all of your focus. This is not the time for jokes or distractions. Even the most outgoing people get serious at some point. 

Self Doubt

This happens typically during transition. Contractions are close together. They are intense. Its likely you've been laboring, working, for at least a few hours, if not more.  You start to think you can't do this. Its too tough. This challenge is too big. Even if you've had an epidural or other pain medication, hormonal surges still fuel these emotions. This is the stage where you need the most emotional support. Your partner, your doula, your parent, your nurse. Whoever it is, its okay to lean on someone else's strength during this stage and every stage of emotion. 

Pure Joy 

This is the bread and butter of labor. This is what everyone has been waiting for. This is what your body has been creating for the past 10 months. This is the moment you've spent countless nights dreaming of. Envisioning how this part will go. This is it. When your baby is born, the joy is indescribable. The feelings are unexplainable. You feel as though your body cannot handle that much joy and love. When your baby is placed on your chest, all else melts away. 

Doulas to the rescue

Doulas are experts at helping parents dive deep. Deeper bonds with your partner, deeper connections with your care providers, deeper understanding of the birth & postpartum process.

The reason our clients love doulas at their births is not because of our amazing hip squeezes or the education. (I'm sure that sweetens the pot, though!) Our clients love doulas because during each and every one of the emotions you experience, you have someone there for you. You have someone who will hold your hand, cry with you and be honest with you. We aren't going to bring judgement into your birth. Your emotions matter. Your past experiences matter, birth related or not. Doulas hold space for parents to allow them to express any emotion, whenever they need to. 

The hardest part of my birth experience was dealing with my emotions

Sure, labor is intense... But emotions are what heighten that intensity! Much to my surprise, I didn't want any real physical support. Massage, tons of position changes and different tricks didn't work for me as a person or even with the interventions my birth needed. Without the unwavering emotional support of my husband and my doula, I'm not sure I would have made it through. Certainly, my feelings of empowerment and confidence wouldn't be as great.

Feelings are good and emotions aren't something to be fearful of. Society tells us to act a certain way, feel a certain way, look a certain way. During birth, tell yourself those societal pressures don't apply. Don't let expressing your emotions how you need them to be expressed stop you from having an incredible birth. Deal with them head on, in each changing moment and above all, know that you can do this. 

You'll be holding your baby before you know it!