How To Be Helpful During Labor | Erie, PA & Meadville PA Pregnancy | Northwest PA Doulas

October 21, 2017 Chrissy Dougan

As doulas, we work with the non-laboring partner almost as much as we work with the person who will be birthing the baby! After all, we're all a team with the same goals in mind.

The non-laboring partner often asks us how they can best support their loved one during labor. Let’s face it, supporting someone in the delivery room doesn’t always come naturally—it’s helpful to have someone with training and experience who can guide you along the way. We have dozens of tips and tricks up our sleeve and today we'll sharing some of them with you!

5 Ways To Be Helpful During Labor:

1. Minimize distractions. Focus is imperative during labor. An environment free of distractions, helps her concentrate as much as possible on the task at hand. This may include: dimming the lights, clearing any messes or extra things that don’t belong in the room, and making sure it is as quiet as she likes it (ranging from complete silence to the music of her choice playing).

2. Match the laboring partner’s mood. In early labor, there is a lot of excitement, anticipation, smiles, and laughter flooding the conversation. You both realize that this is “the real deal” and you will finally be meeting your baby! At this time, it’s completely appropriate to smile and laugh with her, keeping the mood light. When you notice her talking less through contractions and breathing more heavily or moaning, that's the time to follow her lead by becoming less talkative and more serious.

3. Demonstrate a slow, controlled breathing rate. When she begins to lose control of her breathing, you can be the one to help her recenter herself. Make sure you do it loud enough so she notices, but not obnoxiously loud, which will obviously bother her and be counterproductive. Breathing slowly yourself, should signal her to get her breathing under control again, without you having to say a word.

4. Encourage. Encourage. Encourage. Confidently remind her how strong and beautiful she is in this moment. Tell her how proud you are of her. Remind her that with every contraction she is closer to meeting the baby. Remind her that she is not alone and that she is safe. Just hearing those simple words can put her mind at ease and allow her to relax and progress. Some people like to be looked directly in the eyes, or touched softly to let them know you are completely focused on supporting them. Your undivided attention and support is necessary at this time.

At some point you may begin to feel like you don’t have any comforting words left to offer or that you’re repeating the same thing over and over. You might feel like she needs to hear something new or like she needs something different from you. Remember, as long as you are present and connected with her, that is what she needs above all else. Offer simple, encouraging words and let her know that you love her. Comfort her with gentle touch or massage. During the tough moments, all she may need is to look into your eyes or hold your hand.

5. Quietly observe. This will let her know you are paying attention to what she is going through and how her needs might be changing at any given moment. It’s probably not a good idea to be texting or watching TV at this point. Your presence is most useful when you remain fully engaged and attentive. When labor gets intense, keep the conversation to a minimum, only speaking up to give inspiring words or to assist her with any of the comfort techniques you talked about and practiced (in your childbirth education class) in the weeks leading up to labor.

Don't think you can remember these things in the heat of the moment? That's normal. Taking a childbirth education class where we discuss these things (and more) in depth can be helpful. It will also give you hands on practice with offering physical and emotional support (verbal encouragement, attentiveness, massage, comfort techniques and laboring positions).

Another option is to hire a labor & birth doula to be there with you every step of the way to help you as you help your partner. We are experts at getting partners involved as much or as little as they would like to be during labor. The birth of your child is an incomparable time to bond as a family and we can help facilitate that in a beautiful and memorable way.